Mar
2
noisenoisenoise
March 2, 2008 | Leave a Comment
I ran across a music blog this evening. It’s called noisenoisenoise and Dave, the author, has a discerning taste in music that I can appreciate - so I thought I’d share. He say’s he’s “total rock snob” and that’s fine, I like his selection of music so I really don’t care if he’s a snob. There are a bunch of artists I like (fIREHOSE, Lord High Fixers, Lubricated Goat, Lydia Lunch, etc.) mentioned in the blog though I am surprised that some bands that seem likely to show up are unlisted. Then again it doesn’t claim to be an exhaustive list. There are quite a few bands I haven’t heard but will doubtlessly check out. The post that caught my eye was fIREHOSE - fROMOHIO (SST) 1990. Check it out - there are quite a few video samples there too so you can get an earful.
Feb
5
The Road (Not Quite a Review)
February 5, 2008 | 2 Comments
But I digress, The Road is gut wrenching and heartbreakingly sad. It’s generally known that it takes place in a post-apocalyptic future where unknown catastrophe (likely full scale nuclear war, but no why) has decimated the Earth and humanity. The Road’s story is that of a father and son traveling to find a better place to be, a place where it is there might be a possible chance. The desolation is immense, the trials horrifying. I can think of no other novel that depicts the dire nature of such a world in a way so realistically portrays the horror of an apocalypse. There is nothing to hold on to, nothing to grab, there’s no food, no animals, no society. Most humans have been reduced to atavistic primitives. Cannibalism runs rampant. But the father and son hold on to each other - an almost invisible spark of love in a world gone away, a last remnant of humanity.
The Road pulls at the heart but also shows just how much we depend on our environment, and it is worth considering. George Monbiot has much more to say on the relation of The Road to human apathy and environmentalism.
To me though, The Road, entangles my soul and heart as a father and envision myself in the same situation with my son. To me that struggle the love of a father for son and the ends to which a parent will go to care for a child, the abyssal fears we face on a daily basis in that struggle to raise our sons.
Everyone should read The Road
Apr
6
The Sublime Nature of Friendship
April 6, 2006 | Leave a Comment
I’ve been missing many of my friends whom I haven’t seen or heard from in a many year. I’m very happy to have gotten in a touch with some of them over the past couple years. And more recently through the power of the internet I have come back into contact with even more friends. I’m not talking about high-school chums but some of the most interesting people I have known. And somehow, through life, you go your separate ways and lose track of each other and wonder, “What the hell happened?” Sometimes it feels like a Talking Heads song (your choice of song but you probably know the one I mean.) But I’m glad to see that these friends are still alive and vital. And all these people who I have come back into contact with, well, it’s quite amazing, the changes that have occurred, how different they are from ten or fifteen years ago. Yet, when talking to them it’s as if no time has passed, expect there are new topics of conversation that were quite impossible years ago, children in some case, or the internet or even blogging.
There have been times when I thought my desire to still know these prodigal friends was a sign of an impending midlife crisis but the more I think of it the more I realize that is not the case. It’s sublimely human to love our friends, wish them well and know they are there to talk to (or email), exchange ideas and thoughts with and to know that the bonds of friendship last. So I cannot quite express what a joy it is for me to know my friends and I hope to know them for a very long time.
Oct
3
i cannot continue with such insidious memory
October 3, 2003 | 1 Comment
i cannot continue with such insidious memory – like yesterday all my past laid out before me – all regrets dropped upon me like a thousand heated ingots of iron – hell erupted from a serenity i had attained once – a clash of past and future at a central point of my present – i want it all – I don’t want to get old – I don’t want to die – I want to gain wisdom – I want to live for ever – I want my transhumanist future to land now – I want extropia – no more small platitude of ego centric confusion – I don’t want to raise a child – but I have to now – I fought the law of the universe and the law won – no transhuman condition – no extropian future – eternity will not be my path – someday I will die – and no more shall I be – today will not be for ever – but the spark in my mind says to try – transcend this mortal coil – do not go gentle into that good night of Dylan Thomas – be in love with a rock and roll world – ignore youth culture – hammer out your own drum beat and create the world you want – fire the engines of creation and carry the good fight to end – rally the mind – destroy the demons of entropy and no longer feel the spiral of history – the power for life resides within – dynamic creation – fuck entropy – negativity – depression – cloudiness – clarify the lens of the soul – foresee the future brightly – pursue the endless life promised in the real – transcend – transcend – transcend
Dec
6
If there was a…
December 6, 2000 | Leave a Comment
I’m not sure if I wrote this or not - if I didn’t maybe someone will let me know but I found it scrawled amongst my writings.
If there was a way to… complete and break… a cycle a circle… as letters keep…
If there was a time to… heal and mend… a thought or line… as numbers meld…
If there was a place to… hold and hail… a touch or taste… as arms embrace…
If there was a word to… add and retrain… a mote or mirror… as mind entreats…
If there was a who to… teach and express… a life or limb… as birth requests…
If there was a what to… expand and grow… a world or fate… as stars glow…
Sep
7
Austin Techno-Rant
September 7, 1999 | Leave a Comment
The Austin, Texas area is growing like some crazy monster from a Japanese horror flick.
The whole area is going to undergo future/culture shock at once. Particularly menacing is the area of North Austin, Pflugerville, and Round Rock.
Massive amounts of medication are going to be required to keep the natives sane or at least numb enough to survive the mutation.
Don’t get me wrong – this transmogrification is probably necessary but that doesn’t mean it’s going to be painless.
I moved away from the Austin area for a couple of months only to realize how much I missed the craziness. Burning summers aren’t good for anyone but they sure are interesting.
Austin – maybe more than any other city in the United States is the pinnacle of a post-modern city. Fragmented. Deranged. Here you have technology pervading everyone’s lives like some invasive probe. There’s no way to avoid it. It’s driving the growth of this place. Drawing such diverse cultures together, like Mexican day workers, Vietnamese restraunteurs, Tibetans escaping the iron rule of China, Chinese escaping the iron rule of China, even Canadians.
There’s no getting away from the technology. No point in trying. The best thing to do is get right in bed with it. After all technology is supposed to make our lives better – who wants it to come around and fuck us over. You can’t even drives down the road without it sneaking up on you. It’s on billboards everywhere.
I was driving up I-35. The Great Wall of Austin, the dividing line between the haves and haves more. You can’t drive for one mile without seeing some sign of new construction. Some new technology company or service industry, or some business designed in some way to support business or devour consumers.
Austin’s been a college town, a hippie town. The capital of Texas. Now it’s turning into a monstrous juggernaut of technology and deconstructionism. Evolutionarily speaking it’s on the edge. A bunch of hopped up technology junkies. Primates who are really pushing the limits of humanity.
The thing about technology in Austin as opposed to say Tokyo or somewhere like that is that it’s so perversely subtle. It sneaks into people’s minds like some psychotic android thief. It gets inside you, gets right in your bones and there’s no turning back. I’ve seen people, I’ve seen me getting the high from using computers. There’s an addiction for you. Heroin you can live without. Technology – computers in particular have so pervaded our lives you can’t get away from it. Go ahead and try and you’ll be living in the sticks with no human company whatsoever. Which might be good for more than a few people. Sure you could move to Mexico or some place like that – but for how long. You’ll start craving the technology again. Technology is a human virus and drug. We get a high from it. We live in a symbiotic relationship with it. Only I’m not sure who is the host and who is the parasite. We better fucking embrace it though or we’re going to collapse in a degenerate heap of twisted psyches.
Already this excess of technology is taking a toll on society. People are cracking left and right from a combination of future and culture shock. The very fabric of society is shifting so quickly that you either have to ignore it or get right on top of it. Ignoring it you put off the inevitable and getting right on top of it is a dicey proposition at best. We’re just not equipped to deal with it. Some handle it better than others. Some lose their minds and run amok. That primitive animal state of super-human destruction.
Jun
16
Eulogy For My Sister
June 16, 1999 | Leave a Comment
Beth was my sister, my first friend and one of my closest friends. Beth and I grew up together. We played together as children. I recall one occasion when I convinced her that dirt was good for her hair and that a good bucketful dumped on her head would make her hair all the more beautiful. We rebelled from our parents in a similar fashion. I remember her driving me crazy every morning playing her music really loud. Ultimately we became even closer as adults. I remember all the fun we had on our game nights losing to her at Pictionary. Beth was quick to laugh at a joke and quick to tell one of her own. Beth delighted in the humor of life often finding life’s little foibles funny where others were frustrated. I always admired her sense of humor, her integrity, her presence of mind and her serenity.
Beth enjoyed spending time with her friends and sharing her life with them. She never hesitated to offer her friendship to anyone and her friendship was of the highest order. Beth taught me the meaning of friendship. Beth loved baking and crafts and playing the piano and she approached them all with a childlike interest and natural ability at each. Whatever she attempted there was no doubt she would be good at it in a very short time.
Beth was the most compassionate person I’ve known. She cared deeply for the people in her life and it was always apparent in her actions. If you had a problem she was eager to lend an ear and aid in any way she could. If you were sad she would cheer you when it seemed impossible. She brought joy and happiness to all of our lives. If ever you felt misplaced in the world she opened her home to you and made you feel loved. Beth was a model of compassion and caring.
Beth was the hub of our family, the person around which our family revolved. Beth was as an embrace for the family, she held all of us dear to her. She never needed a special occasion to get all of us together, a weekday evening sufficed. It was Beth who in her interest of family researched our own and assembled a family tree. When Beth married she brought her husband Vince into our family and made him feel welcome. She gave us another brother. Beth brought four beautiful girls into this world and in each of them I see Beth. Andrea, Danielle, Jessica and Lisa were her pride and joy. All of them are bright, sensitive and playful. Just like their mother. They are a tribute to Beth’s love and caring. Beth loved family and it was she who showed us the love of family.
I will miss my sister more than I can say. We all will. She was a bright light in the darkness. As long as we remember her, as long as she lives in our hearts she will live on as a vibrant part of our lives. We love you Beth.
Oct
16
Magic… Or So I Gathered
October 16, 1995 | Leave a Comment
I walk up the steps of the comic books shop. I peer inside the door and think “Why are there so many people here at this time of the evening?” Cautiously, oh so cautiously, I slowly open the door and go in. There are people sitting at tables, on the floors, crammed, packed and otherwise stuffed into this place.
I make my way to the counter, the woman at the counter says to me “Hi, welcome to Magic: The Addiction night.”
I reply “So I gathered, so to speak. I’m looking for the most recent issue of ‘Too Much Coffee Man’, do you have it?”.
“Yes, it’s back on the left,” Which I’d find out later was the other left, “if you can make your way back there.”
So I decided to brave my way.
“Thanks,” I say.
Turning away from the counter I see that there is a large man blocking the direct path. I deftly leap past him, he doesn’t notice me, intent on the cards laid before him. Once on the other side of him I casually glance around the room. No eye contact. Everyone is either playing Magic or dealing the cards. There is one small group of exception, there are two men playing StarFleet Battles (another extremely addicting game I understand). Everyone is wrapped up in the game.
I manage to work my way further back, forcing people to acknowledge my existence. I’m beginning to feel like I am in a crack house.
Too Much Coffee Man Too Much Coffee Man Too Much Coffee Man Too Much Coffee Man Too Much Coffee Man Too Much Coffee Man Too Much Coffee Man…
Where is it?
I make my way around the end of the table, glance at the StarFleet Battlers. Too Much Coffee Man Too Much Coffee Man Too Much Coffee Man… Nope. “This sucks,” I think, “I gotta get outta here.”
After some more searching and some more forcing my way through I make it back to the counter.
“I’m not even sure I was looking in the right place.”
“Hang on a second and I’ll help you.”
I wait. Looking at the people playing, looking at their cards. I wonder what power these cards hold over people. Was the Denny’s waitress right? Are these tools of Satan. How can cards be so addicting. These people are like a bunch of junkies. Friends of mine keep telling me about this game. One friend has taken to carrying the cards with her at all times.
Don’t touch them. Be afraid, be very afraid.
“Ok let’s see if we can find it,” the woman says. She forces her way through the crowd in the most expert of manner, eliciting grimaces from the Magicians. I follow. Ah, I think, the right, not the left, no wonder. Too Much Coffee Man Too Much Coffee Man Too Much Coffee Man Too Much Coffee Man… There it is!
We force our way back to the counter. I look down at the game I step across and think I bet I could kick ass at this game, being the hardcore player of games I am.
I pay for the ‘Too Much Coffee Man’ and contemplate buying a set of the Magic cards, I decide heavily against it. I thread my way to the door. A dog stands on it’s hind legs front paws on the door, staring out into the rain soaked night. I think, “Yeah you and me both pal,” and opening the door step out of this den of iniquity. I breathe the cool wet night air. Any game that addicting cannot be good. Bunch of junkies, and the dealers sitting there like, waiting for someone to come up desperate for fix of the cards. What a strange and bizarre sight it was.
I walk home.
Sep
23
Your Cat?
September 23, 1993 | Leave a Comment
The phone was ringing and woke me up. I was tired but answered it anyway.
“Hello?”
“Jag? This is Rez.”
“Oh, hey. How are ya? As usual I was sleeping when you called.”
“I can let you get back to sleep.”
“No, no. I’m up now. What’s up?”
“Hank and I were gonna go and get some coffee and I thought I’d call and see if you wanted to meet us.”
“Yeah, sounds good.”
“We were just going to go to Insomnia, but if you know of another place. . .”
“No, Insomnia is cool.”
“Ok, well, we’re gonna ride the bus.”
“That’s cool. I gotta go find some clothes. I’ll see you there.”
“See you in a bit.”
I go back to my bedroom and look on the side if the bed where I tossed my clothes. I dress, grab my cigarettes and money and head out the door to catch the bus.
As I am crossing the street to the bus stop I realize that I am starving. I decide that I will stop at this little Italian place I know of and grab a slice of pizza.
I am waiting for the bus. As I wait more and more people begin to wait with me. Students from the night school a block away. A couple of pretty girls turn and look at me. I smile and they turn away and watch the bus coming down the street.
The bus is slowing to a halt as I stand and move up toward the crowd. I am the last one on the bus. As I get on the bus I notice that the fare box has a sign on it “Ozone Alert: Free Bus Rides Today.” There have been Ozone Alerts for the past two days. I guess the atmosphere is getting that bad. At least in the places where the sun is already intense. The air seems to be drier than usual but I haven’t noticed much else. Probably everyone will come down with skin cancer in a few years.
The bus lurches forward, heading toward my destination. After few stops the bus halts again and then doesn’t start. I decide to get off here and walk the rest of the way. I figure I have time to kill since I live much closer to Insomnia than Rez and Hank.
I walk a few block and get to the Pizza place. They are closing but sell me a slice anyway. I am grateful. I take the pizza with me as I walk the rest of the way to Insomnia.
I go in to Insomnia to look for Rez. I look around the downstairs and notice an attractive oriental girl working behind the counter. I don’t see Rez there and I don’t know what Hank looks like, so I go up the stairs to the smoking area to see if they are up there. They aren’t, or at least Rez isn’t. Going back downstairs I look over at the counter to catch a glimpse of the girl. She sees me looking at her and smiles. I smile back and head outside.
There are many people standing around outside. There is a man sitting and leaning against a wall with a dog in his lap. There is a woman talking to him. The are three men standing in front of Insomnia talking about nothing. The woman walks past me.
After a few minutes the woman comes back. She is a transient, dirty and smelly. She looks much more worn than the actual years she carries. She walks toward me.
“Can I get a cigarette from you,” she asks me.
“Sure,” I say pulling out my pack and handing her a cigarette.
“Can I get a light,” she says reaching for my lit cigarette.
I reach in my pocket and get out my lighter and hand it to her. She takes it, checks her pockets and hands my lighter back.
“I got one.”
She lights the cigarette.
“Do you want to see my cat,” she asks.
“Your cat,” I ask in disbelief. Suddenly I realize she means cat as in pussy.
“I don’t think so,” I say, “I’m waiting to meet some friends.”
“Some friends,” she asks not believing me.
“Yeah,” I say.
“Thanks for the cigarette,” she says, and walks away.
Still no sign of Rez. I stand around flipping a quarter in the air and catching it. More and more people are milling about. There is a sports bar two door up the street from Insomnia and cheers periodically escape as someone scores a goal in the basketball game on the television.
I get tired of waiting for Rez and Hank and go in to order something to drink. I order an Italian soda, raspberry. As I wait for them to fix my soda I am looking around the place trying to see if I can spot Rez. I don’t see him. I turn back to the counter to pay for my soda. As
I turn I see Rez in the corner of my eye.
“Hey, Rez, what’s up?”
“I missed the bus,” he says.
“Oh yeah?”
“Hank’s over there,” says Rez pointing toward the front of the place. I get my soda and walk with him to meet Hank. I see who Hank is and I realize that he has been sitting there the entire time I’ve been waiting. I can see from the smile on his face that he realized that too and had seen me standing outside. I sit with them and we talk for a while. We leave after a short time we all catch the bus. A different bus.
